The Kool-Aid Pineapple Menace Is Here

And: Straight Pride Month; Martyred Henry Nowak; Paris Is Burning; Hybrid Love

I’m on Twitter so you don’t have to be. You’ll never guess what the New Thing is: pineapple spears soaked in Kool-Aid. Here’s how to make them. They exploded on Tiktok out of the ghetto, and taking the nation. In this short video, the white kid above tries the horrible-looking things, and pronounces them delicious in some Jawa dialect: “Dat bih gah.”

I chose one of the images white idiots eating them because I don’t want to trigger a racism complaint by showing black idiots eating them. But let me not trigger a racism complaint by denying the fact that black people invented this trend. Basically, those things are Type Two diabetes on a fork. If they start selling them at Buc-ee’s, I know it’s time to head for the hills.

Here’s another video of somebody in a parking lot getting turned on to the Kool-Aid pineapple. “Ten out of ten,” the obese young man rates them. Wouldn’t it just be more efficient to eat sugar straight from the bag? Decadence comes in many forms. Still, there’s a certain rubbernecking quality to watching all the videos of people eating this garbage and proclaiming it delicious. Triggers my inner Ignatius Reilly.

We got serious stuff to talk about today, though. Subscribers, onward!