Good ideas. One more to add: We need much more support for families with children with serious disabilities, and for people with serious disabilities. I can't imagine having a child who needs intensive round the clock care, and being pregnant with another, and then trying to attend to the needs of another child. It isn't humanly possible…
Good ideas. One more to add: We need much more support for families with children with serious disabilities, and for people with serious disabilities. I can't imagine having a child who needs intensive round the clock care, and being pregnant with another, and then trying to attend to the needs of another child. It isn't humanly possible to provide decently for multiple children, both economically and emotionally/feeding/cleaning/being on top of homework, etc., while waking up every two hours to provide breathing treatments to the sick child for years on end. Or dealing with a child who rages violently on a regular basis. It is really hard, and all these pro-life people talking about young women who don't want to be mothers . . . really misses the point.
Yes!!! I knew a married couple with multiple kids, including two children (now thirtysomethings) with disabilities, one very moderate and another severe. They were Godly people who did right by their children, but it severely strains marriages and sometimes women (and men) put health on the back burner. If local agencies yank respite care or ration it based on intersectional criteria in a woke blue city, it can be devastating.
The truth is neighbors and church people DO NOT want seriously disabled kids (into adulthood) disturbing worship, are allergic to helping, not that they should be expected to, but attitudes are poor. Luckily there are gov't resources and good ministries, but pro-lifers should not neglect this forgotten aspect.
We need to do a lot more to support people and families, period. Especially as Christians. Even among people who still regularly go to church, there's a lot of them who seem to feel that their "Christian obligation" is fulfilled by showing up to church on Sundays, and ceases for the rest of the week.
The pregnancy with my fifth was miserable. I was sick for months, and then I got to the point where I could hardly walk because she was positioned badly. Not a single person ever asked if they could help with anything. She was born, and not only did nobody ever ask if I could use help - oh, but Covid! you say - nobody offered to bring over a meal, sent a gift card, or even called with congratulations. I don't hold it against anyone, but it hurt. In the process of this divorce, there's been one lady who has watched the youngest a couple of times for court dates, and there's another friend who has come up *from Chicago* to sit with me and work on cleaning my house and one who has written a letter on my behalf, but it just seems like there are very few who are willing to reach out. Again, one consideration is that when congregations are older, they're less able to do the "help" work, but everybody seems to be so caught up in busy-ness and ends up so lonely anyway. If anything, if the Christian church wants to make an impact, building that community within the Church is going to be essential.
That is so sad. I didn't realize that your divorce was ongoing. I hope it settles soon with the best outcome for you and your children, and ultimately, your ex. If you don't mind my asking, where are you and how old is your youngest? I wish I could help. What you need are empty-nesters who miss playing with children.
I've been through a terrifying divorce, and might have advice, or words of comfort. If Rod can give you my email address, I would love to connect with you apart from this comment section, if you would like. No pressure.
Dear Katja: I send Christian love and prayers to you. I wish I was there to do more.
Somehow God has me in a place where I help a family with five children - Chabad, many know that story that I've posted about- but I have very often thought of you as I do it. It is an odd parallel that I know you, but can't physically be there, but can do some things that I wish I could do in the Christian community and specifically for you. And you know that even though I'm not physically there, we can talk!
I hope I didn't come off with the post sounding like "Poor me, poor me", but that whole idea of community is really strong in my soul right now, and I think we all feel what the lack of it feels like these days. May God bless your work with the family there, and let's talk again soon! :)
Not al all like "poor me", no worries. It helps people to be reminded that there are needs around them. Church can be such a hard thing, after the service, when there is no community. Soon!
Good ideas. One more to add: We need much more support for families with children with serious disabilities, and for people with serious disabilities. I can't imagine having a child who needs intensive round the clock care, and being pregnant with another, and then trying to attend to the needs of another child. It isn't humanly possible to provide decently for multiple children, both economically and emotionally/feeding/cleaning/being on top of homework, etc., while waking up every two hours to provide breathing treatments to the sick child for years on end. Or dealing with a child who rages violently on a regular basis. It is really hard, and all these pro-life people talking about young women who don't want to be mothers . . . really misses the point.
1000 likes.
Dana
Yes!!! I knew a married couple with multiple kids, including two children (now thirtysomethings) with disabilities, one very moderate and another severe. They were Godly people who did right by their children, but it severely strains marriages and sometimes women (and men) put health on the back burner. If local agencies yank respite care or ration it based on intersectional criteria in a woke blue city, it can be devastating.
The truth is neighbors and church people DO NOT want seriously disabled kids (into adulthood) disturbing worship, are allergic to helping, not that they should be expected to, but attitudes are poor. Luckily there are gov't resources and good ministries, but pro-lifers should not neglect this forgotten aspect.
So true.
We need to do a lot more to support people and families, period. Especially as Christians. Even among people who still regularly go to church, there's a lot of them who seem to feel that their "Christian obligation" is fulfilled by showing up to church on Sundays, and ceases for the rest of the week.
The pregnancy with my fifth was miserable. I was sick for months, and then I got to the point where I could hardly walk because she was positioned badly. Not a single person ever asked if they could help with anything. She was born, and not only did nobody ever ask if I could use help - oh, but Covid! you say - nobody offered to bring over a meal, sent a gift card, or even called with congratulations. I don't hold it against anyone, but it hurt. In the process of this divorce, there's been one lady who has watched the youngest a couple of times for court dates, and there's another friend who has come up *from Chicago* to sit with me and work on cleaning my house and one who has written a letter on my behalf, but it just seems like there are very few who are willing to reach out. Again, one consideration is that when congregations are older, they're less able to do the "help" work, but everybody seems to be so caught up in busy-ness and ends up so lonely anyway. If anything, if the Christian church wants to make an impact, building that community within the Church is going to be essential.
That is so sad. I didn't realize that your divorce was ongoing. I hope it settles soon with the best outcome for you and your children, and ultimately, your ex. If you don't mind my asking, where are you and how old is your youngest? I wish I could help. What you need are empty-nesters who miss playing with children.
I've been through a terrifying divorce, and might have advice, or words of comfort. If Rod can give you my email address, I would love to connect with you apart from this comment section, if you would like. No pressure.
You can use direct message on sub stack and go from there. That’s how she and I connected.
I don't know how to do that. Maybe she will do it to me.
Click on the name of the person you want to DM. A screen with a message option appears.
Everyone is too busy. Everything in our culture valors business.
When I broke up with my ex-friends-all progressive women, even the conservative one-I told them I no longer had time for people who are too busy.
I am speechless and appalled.
Dear Katja: I send Christian love and prayers to you. I wish I was there to do more.
Somehow God has me in a place where I help a family with five children - Chabad, many know that story that I've posted about- but I have very often thought of you as I do it. It is an odd parallel that I know you, but can't physically be there, but can do some things that I wish I could do in the Christian community and specifically for you. And you know that even though I'm not physically there, we can talk!
Thank you so much!
I hope I didn't come off with the post sounding like "Poor me, poor me", but that whole idea of community is really strong in my soul right now, and I think we all feel what the lack of it feels like these days. May God bless your work with the family there, and let's talk again soon! :)
Not al all like "poor me", no worries. It helps people to be reminded that there are needs around them. Church can be such a hard thing, after the service, when there is no community. Soon!